this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
