I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
