You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
