They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
