Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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