im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
As shirtless as possible
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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