My first STD was from a foam party
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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