i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
