one two three fourrrrnication!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
