i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
