Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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