My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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