12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
