shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize