phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
