i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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