I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
