Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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