You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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