$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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