Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
