If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My dick has a subreddit
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
