insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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