What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
