well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
