I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
