He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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