handjob tips. give me some.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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