first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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