I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
