if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
