i barfeds in our rink
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
