I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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