Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
