he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
