Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
