At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can I color on your dick again?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
