And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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