I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
