Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
