the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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