it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
