remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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