At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
