I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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