Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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