dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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