So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
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That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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