i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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