I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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