So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He? As in you personified your dick?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
