she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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