so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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