What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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