I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
