the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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