new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
