rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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