you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
