my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
